September 27, 2010 at 10:05 pm (Just Thinking)
Tags: benefit, blog, blogging, calm, change, empty, good, happy, letting go of pain, thinking
Just a Thought
The thing about being happy, is to know that you don’t need to have a lot and a lot of stuff. My home is a small trailer but it keeps my boys and I out of the heat and out of the snowy winters. There is no room to accumulate much, but when it does start getting to be too much, I let go of what I can and use what I cannot. I like my little home.
February 2, 2010 at 6:42 pm (Recovery)
Tags: action, anger, benefit, blog, blogging, dream, dreaming, Education, forgiveness, goals, help, kindness, Mindful, observe, pain, silence, the dream, thinking
The Dream
I am standing in front of a large crowd. I am speaking to a thousand women. Some of the women are battered and bruised. Some are drug addicts and alcoholics. I see some women screaming in pain and anger but I hear no sound other than the sound of my own voice. It appears as though the women in the audience before me are standing in some sort of blazing lava. It is what I imagine Hell must look like if there is one. Their faces are contorted with torment. It is darkness all around them. The only light I see is on me. It is like I am bathed in a spotlight. I am not afraid. I just know that I have to help them. I have to save them from the hell they writhe in. That is the over powering emotion of the dream. It feels like I am being pulled to help. They beg me with their eyes. I do not know the faces of the women but they seem familiar to me for some reason. I am certain that I can help them. I can show them a way out of the misery. They are stuck, trapped. I can help them break the chains that bind them in place. Maybe those chains are made of fear and hatred and ill-will. The chains could be their inability to find their own direction.
This has been a recurring dream for the past couple of years but seems to be more present lately and much more vivid. I remember the dream during the waking hours. When the grey light of the winter sun filters through the windows and I am sitting in silence, the image appears in my mind without my beckoning. Sometimes in my meditation I can see their faces. There is always the silence though. I live inside the silence as much as I can. This is how I gain insight. I meditate often. I see things clearly and can experience things more fully. That is a great benefit of meditation. But I wonder about the dream and the images from time to time. Is this dream trying to tell me something? Is it a premonition of what is to come? Or, is it a journey that I am supposed to begin? I have been on death’s door twice with machines pumping my heart and ventilator breathing for me. It was the second time when the dreams started. The urge to do something is so strong that at times I feel like I need to remember something I have forgotten. I feel like I must move in the direction of seeing that dream in real life. I do not claim to be enlightened or even close to it, but something is definitely going on because I know it the way I know my own face in the mirror.
It occurs to me that I wonder if I am worthy of helping those that are calling out to me. Can I really help? Will I know the right thing to say at the right time? I sometimes feel like I am in a car with the motor running and my foot on the break pedal. What will happen if I begin to move?
January 28, 2010 at 5:21 am (letting go)
Tags: action, benefit, blog, blogging, calm, change, Education, empty, forgiveness, goals, help, letting go, letting go of pain, peaceful, present moment awareness, Recovery, self-help
Insight: Too Much Stuff
When you look around the room you are in right now, what do you see? Is there stuff everywhere? Do you have pictures on the walls? Are those pictures accurate? If you have pictures, are they to remind you that you had some magnificent experience sometime in the past? Pictures usually only show the good things that have happened. The reality is, that what we capture in photographs are usually lies. Most pictures taken of babies and small children are only because the photographer got the child to laugh after an hour and a half temper tantrum. Am I wrong? Do you really love the things you have hanging on your walls? Would you be devastated if those things were lost to you? The memory is in your mind, do you really need pictures?
Now, take a look at your shelves. Are they cluttered with nick-knacks, or just stuff that you stuck there because you were in a hurry or didn’t have another place for it? Are there books that you have read? Shoot, there are probably books that you intended to read a long time ago and never got to it. Maybe, this is a source of stress for you, so you don’t look at your shelves.
Ahhh, what about your closets! Do you find that they are packed to the gills with clothes and more stuff? Why do we hold on to all this stuff? They are just things. How many things do we really need anyway? If we don’t love the things we have then why do we hold on to them? If you were really honest with yourself, and yes, I know that is hard to do, but if you are honest with yourself could you let go of some of the stuff that is causing you stress. If you really think that you will read that book then sure go ahead and keep it a while longer. If not, bless somebody else with it. Give it to your local library or a needy family in the area. What you don’t love maybe someone else will.
If you want to find some peace in your home, you need to start letting go of things that do not bring you peace. If the nick-Knacks just cause you stress because you have to clean them, then they are not bringing you peace. Let them go. The same with all those clothes and shoes in your closet. If you haven’t warn it in a year or used it in a year then let it go. You fill find as you clear more and more space that you begin to feel as the space feels.
Now before you go jumping in, please remember you didn’t accumulate all that in a day so don’t try to get rid of it all in a day. Take your time. For each thing you pick up really experience the object and decide if it is worthy of the space it will take up. If it isn’t let it go. Do this a little at a time and you will find that your peace and happiness will grow.
I love my empty walls. I have two sets of clothes for work and about 5 sets for other days. One set of dress up clothes. Doing laundry is easy J and so is deciding what to wear. If I do decide to buy something new, shoes for instance, then I let the old shoes go.
When you can let go of things, you can let go of stress, hurtful memories, and live in the present moment with no worries of the future and no regrets from the past.
Thank you for reading
January 16, 2010 at 5:23 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: benefit, blogging, Buddhism, calm, change, depression, Education, happy, help, kindness, letting go, meditation, mind, Mindful, mindfulness, observe, peaceful, present moment awareness, stress relief
The rent is going to be a week late because I made an error. I thought I was getting a check today but it is next Friday that I get my money. So I figure I had two options. Number 1, I could stress out about it and then my whole day would be thrown off. I would have become upset. Number 2, I could handle the problem professionally. I chose option two. I called the landlord and explained my error. She was very kind, I have shown her kindness when ever I could and she showed me kindness today by forgiving my mistake. This is a great example of what being kind to others gets you in return. The idea of loving kindness is not to expect anything in return but it naturally happens. When you let go of pride and expectations and give kindness just for the sake of loving all beings you bring good karma upon yourself.
I let go of the fear and stress I felt when I was told my money wouldn’t arrive for another week and instead replaced it with feelings of well being. I sat down and experienced a very deep meditation. I don’t even know where the time went. When I left my meditation the time had just passed. I felt like I had only been meditating for a few minutes when in fact it was much longer. I had actually lost my five senses and was in a state of…. bliss… is the only word I can use to describe it. I was happy and free. My mind was not cluttered with stress. I felt physically and mentally good.
I felt so good I decided to show some loving kindness to a neighbor who has a problem with depression. I invited the neighbor over and made some homemade organic soup.. my own creation… 🙂 We ate together in silence which felt wonderful also because I was really able to fully experience my meal. Each bite it seemed had a flavor all its own. Mindful eating is so wonderfully delicious. After we were done eating, my neighbor thanked me and headed for home. I was still feeling really peaceful so I made a cup of coffee and sat down on my old, worn, couch in my little tiny trailer and sipped at the hot coffee while looking out the window. No thoughts were going through my mind, no wanting, no waiting, no stress. I simply was in the moment, and I was totally, completely happy. I just was.
I would like to offer this to my readers. When you are feeling stressed out, first of all try to figure out why. Then find a solution to the problem. If there is no solution then it is not a problem and you can just let it all go. If there is a solution, do what you can and be happy with it. What is done… is finished. You don’t have to move a mountain all in a day, you can use a teaspoon and move it one bit at a time. When you are doing what you can, then you are moving your mountain and you can let go of the stress. Find inner peace and be content with where you are right here and now.
It is possible. I have seen it, felt it, and bathed in the peace.
January 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm (meditation)
Tags: action, benefit, blog, blogging, Buddhism, calm, change, Education, good, happy, help, kindness, letting go, meditation, meditation benefit, Mindful, mindfulness, observe, peaceful, present moment awareness, Recovery
Body – Scan Meditation DAY 2 and
MAKING THE MOST OF WAITING
I have two things to cover today. J The first is my update on my 24 days of Body-Scan meditation. This is day 2 and I had a great experience this morning. I was able to completely focus and my mind did not jump around. If an occasional thought entered it just kind of floated away. At the end of the meditation, I was aware that a thought or two drifted in and out but I was unable to recall what the thought was. During the meditation, I became aware that my sciatic joints were out of alignment again. I experienced a great deal of intense sensation when I focused on this area. In my mind’s eye I was able to see the nerves and the bones. After I moved away from the area, I was able to let go of the painful sensation and completely focus on the next area. The intensity of the meditation was astounding to me. It was so clear. Today was a success for body-scan meditation. My mind felt open and honest (I don’t know where the word honest comes from but when I think of this morning’s meditation that is the word that jumps out at me).
MAKING THE MOST OF WAITING
Sometimes, waiting is a part of life. Some of us have to wait for the bus so we can go to work, others have to wait for their pay check to arrive in the mail, and still others wait for dinner to be made or delivered. Whatever it is, we have all had the experience of waiting. You and I know that waiting though, is not living in the present moment. It is living in the future, but the future has yet to happen, and it may not happen. So, instead of “waiting” what can we do? We can live in the here and now and do something with the time.
This is the reason for this part of the post J. Today, I have been “waiting” for my college textbooks to arrive. I kept anticipating and watching until I was making myself frustrated that they haven’t arrived yet. Then I had an insight, I could be making the most of this time and doing something that makes me feel good! I decided that since I knew my sciatic joints and nerves were not feeling good I should do something about it. I chose Yoga because it has helped in the past! True to my idea by the end of my 40 minute Yoga session my back felt great and so did my mind! Imagine that! I had been stressing myself over something that hasn’t happened when all this time I could be feeling much better. When we choose to live in the moment instead of the past or the future we can accomplish so much! So, the next time you find yourself waiting, do something that makes you feel good. When your waiting in line, take in your surroundings. Really see what is around you. Look at a weed growing in the sidewalk, notice its veins and petals. Does it sway? Really observe and feel the present moment. It can work wonders.
January 8, 2010 at 4:31 am (meditation)
Tags: benefit, blog, blogging, calm, change, goals, happy, help, kindness, letting go, meditation, meditation benefit, mind, Mindful, mindfulness, observe, peaceful, present moment awareness, skills, wisemind
UPDATE: DAY 1 BODY-SCAN MEDITATION
The first day was about 75% successful. I was able to reach a very deep state of relaxation. Unfortunately, I was exhausted after having only slept about an hour last night and I let myself sleep. I am still considering today’s meditation a success because I did reach a depth of relaxation and peace that I have been missing and I did have an insight. I was also mindful of letting myself sleep. My body really needed it.
My insight was this: It is important to not only take care of our minds but our bodies as well. I have to practice loving kindness to others but also to myself. I wasn’t kind to my body by staying up all night.
Are any of you finding that you are having trouble with mindfulness, stress or negative emotions? There is a set of skills that can help to reduce these… “side effects”. We can remember these skills with the acronym PLEASE.
So those are some things we can do to show ourselves, loving kindness.
So, over all it was a success because I learned something J. 
January 7, 2010 at 11:00 am (meditation)
Tags: benefit, blog, blogging, happy, help, homework, kindness, letting go, meditation, Mindful, mindfulness, present moment awareness, skills, wisemind
24 DAYS OF BODY-SCAN MEDITATION
Day 1 
As many of you may know, I handle a lot of life’s stressors through the use of meditation. I also gain a great deal of insight through the use of meditation. It helps me to help others, it helps me with my college homework, it helps me with keeping in mind loving kindness and being mindful in the present moment. Typically, my meditation includes sitting meditation for 30 -60 minutes per day. I have found lately that my progress has in some ways stalled. I have found lately that during my sitting meditation I am developing monkey-mind and I am not getting nearly as peaceful as I once was. It could be for a number of reasons, the holidays, health issues, and the new quarter starting at school or just about anything.
So this is my plan of action. In addition to my normal sitting meditation I will be adding 45 minutes of body-scan meditation. This I believe will help me to get back on track and to the state of mind that I am comfortable in. I will be blogging my progress so that others may see the benefits or side effects of this type of meditation.
To those who have expressed enjoyment of my other types of posts including dealing with pain, don’t worry, I will also keep doing what I call my “helpful” posts. J I am just going to blog about my “experiment” with body-scan meditation to help others and myself gain a deeper perspective and see what insight I can gain.
Since my first meditation time is at 8:00 AM, I will record my first progress notes this afternoon.
October 20, 2009 at 5:00 pm (meditation)
Tags: blogging, meditation, thinking
Today’s meditation was 15 minutes. I meditate to clear my mind so I can concentrate on the next set of things that is going on. I know what it can do for me and how it makes me feel. I meditate because sometimes there is just so much going through my head that I can’t concentrate on any one thing. That leads to tons of stress for me and sometimes depression. I don’t like to get mad, but if I don’t meditate I guarantee by the end of the day I will be mad at someone. So, that is kind of the reason for this first blog. I want to help people. I think if I can blog about my experiences maybe I can help others who go through the same things I do. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In the past two years my diagnosis has changed to Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD with Fugue states and sometimes auditory hallucinations (only when I am extremely tired). Since I have been practicing Buddhism and Meditation, Mindfulness and some other skills, the amount of symptoms I experience is greatly reduced. I still have times where I am completely ungrounded and that sometimes will last an hour to a few days but I always try to pull myself back. I don’t give up. I have too much at stake to quit trying.
As I said, today’s meditation lasted 15 minutes. I found that most of it I spent trying to keep my mind on my breath. A few times I found my mind wandering into the future or the past. I briefly thought about this blog or things I heard during a lecture. Each time I realized that my mind had wandered I gently brought it back to my breath and to silence. Twice during my meditation I had extreme peace. My mind was completely silent. I no longer felt my body only this kind of buzzing. I really do not know how to describe it yet. Those two moments were very brief, but that means that I made progress. At the end of the 15 minutes I just sat there to see what my body felt like after the meditation. I was very calm. I am happy. I am able to finish this blog and move on to complete an assignment for school.
I find that when I am able to reach those states of silence and emptiness that I am able to produce much better work afterward. I can concentrate again and feel very little stress. I can think more clearly. I am calm. Because of my meditation today, I know that I will be able to go to work and not get stressed out. When I come home I can help the kids with homework and hopefully have a very good evening.
In this present moment, I feel calm.
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