This morning I called work to make sure they had the necessary paper work to take to the doctor so I can get the time off I will need to recover and hopefully get some pay during the weeks I will be off. I pay into a program for short term disability and if that comes through, I will be very happy, if not, that is why I save for things. I have enough money saved up to keep the bills paid for 2 months. I should only be off work 3 – 4 weeks depending on the recovery time. I did however, spend a little money on a couple of new books to read while I am unable to get up and move around. I really dislike not working so I figured I would need something to keep my mind occupied and not simply sleep all the time.

The doctor’s office opens at 8 am so I will call and find out how late they are open and getting the paperwork in there today will be on my to do list.

TO DO:

1. I have one load of laundry to go into the washer, and another going in the dryer right now.
   
2. Do the dishes and put away the clean dishes
   
3. Clear the table and the counters
   
4. Clean the microwave
   
5. Sweep and wet jet the kitchen floor
   
6. Pick up and put away anything that doesn’t belong in the living room.
   
7. Wipe down the entertainment center
   
8. Sweep and mop the living room floor
   
9. Simply clean up my room and make the bed
   
10. Clean up the boys room (already basically clean)
    
11. Get paperwork to the doctor
    

OK. That is what needs to be done right now. I do have to work today also, so I am hoping everything goes smoothly.

He abused me, mistreated me, defeated me, robbed me. Harboring such thoughts keeps hatred alive. -Dhammapada

    I do not want to live with hatred. I am letting go of those kinds of thoughts that keep anger and mistrust alive inside of me. Let go. Release. For me letting go of hatred also means letting go of fear. I know that the symptoms of PTSD will not leave immediately but it will. I have faith that should I let go of the anger, hatred, and fear, the symptoms will decrease until they are no longer a part of me.

I have decided that to write down all of the goals I have for 2011 is quite a daunting task. So I have decided to break it down by writing 3 goals per day. This is today’s list.

1. Get leaky roof fixed (Spring)
   
2. Get washer hooked up (Spring). Right now, my dryer is hooked up and I use it daily, but to actually wash the clothes I have to take them across the street to the neighbors and then bring them home to dry. It is not too much of a bother because I live in a trailer park and it is a very short distance, but with my physical problems it is by no means an easy task.
   
3. Paint the living room and stencil butterflies along the top of the walls (I will begin this by purchasing one thing I will need per week until all supplies are ready.)

Mind is the forerunner of all actions. All deeds are led by mind, created by mind. If one speaks or acts with a serene mind, happiness follows, As surely as one’s shadow. – Dhammapada

    Today is day 2 of practicing having a serene mind and concentrating my efforts with mindful attention. I have accomplished a great deal in a short amount of time. It just goes to show me that trying to multitask is really the wrong way to go about getting a great number of things accomplished. Instead of getting a lot done, you get a lot of nothing done. It feels good to see that most of the things on my list of daily adventures is crossed off. I say daily adventures instead of chores just because it is more up lifting.

    One task that is still to be done on my list is to write down my goals for 2011. I know I have said in the past to live in the present moment but for me, if I don’t have my goals listed then I tend to run around in circles and wonder what to do next. I have an EASIER time focusing on the present moment activities if I know what those activities are. It is like building a house. You don’t just put windows and boards together, you have a plan. You can focus on the details as you go if you know what the plan is. Does that make sense? I will most likely blog my list once I have it completed. My intent is to complete the list before 8 pm est.

Until then,

Be mindful and content J

Sometimes I get so frustrated when my kids are bickering or simply being mean to each other. I try to stay calm but sometimes I fail. I think that it is important to remain mindful during these times and work harder at settling disputes rather than becoming a part of the problem. That is my first thoughts of what I will accomplish for the year 2011. I am going to practice mindfulness every day in everything I do. I do realize that sometimes it is easier to just keep back and pretend that it isn’t happening but that isn’t going to solve the problems either.

It is delightful at times having children. My son decided it was a good idea to meditate under the kitchen table. I am not sure why. It made him happy though, so it is OK J

It is important to remember

that children can meditate also. It helps them as much as it helps adults. So the next time you meditate, if you have children, ask if they would like to join you. Meditation can be a private time or it can be a family experience. Give it a try.

The thing about being happy, is to know that you don’t need to have a lot and a lot of stuff. My home is a small trailer but it keeps my boys and I out of the heat and out of the snowy winters. There is no room to accumulate much, but when it does start getting to be too much, I let go of what I can and use what I cannot. I like my little home.

When people have relationships with others it is inevitable to come into contact with disagreements or differences of opinion. These relationships can be anyone from those you work with to your friends, family and children. So, what can we do when we encounter conflict?

I have a 10 year old who has Autism (very mild) but has severe anger issues when things do not go his way. He gets very hostile and aggressive with intense bouts of rage. At times it is very difficult for me to control my own emotions during these times. I have found though that If I am able to remain in control it is easier for him to regain his own control. To do this, I have to watch my own speech and not focus on his. I practice listening to what he is saying and responding in a way that is both validating and kind, but at the same time, I am the parent. I do have to set some limits to prevent him from harming either himself or other. This is the tricky part because I am human. I have emotions and it is not always easy to keep them in check when a 160 pound, 5′ 3″ ten year old is screaming and raging right in my face. However, I am very conscious of the fact that if I rage with him, it will solve no problems and usually make the situation worse and leaves us both feeling exceedingly bad. What I have learned raising this child is that I do not have to let my emotions control me. Rather, I do not even have to see the rage as directed at me. Instead, I can see it for what it is. A child who has lost control and is very insecure and unable to handle the intense feelings that is inside his mind.

What I have described is a bit on the extreme side compared to what we all handle on a day to day basis. However, it is valuable because it has shown me that I can deal with other people being angry without becoming angry myself. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Kill them with kindness” or “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”? These sayings are so on point. When you “fight fire with fire” all you do is cause more destruction and more fire. Also, if someone is treating you badly and speaking unkindly to you, it is important to try to not take it personally because everybody has bad days. People get tired, stressed, grouchy, hungry and sad. Most of the time if someone is yelling at you it is not because you deserve it, but rather they are unsure of how to deal with their own emotions, thus they are taking them out on you. There are several ways to handle a situation where one person is being difficult toward you. You can say, “I’m sorry”. So many times a simple apology will go a long way, whether you actually did something wrong or not. Remaining calm, you will do a lot to help the other person regain control. Speak quietly. When you speak quietly, it forces the other person to lower their voice in order to hear you. When you can do nothing more, do nothing. Do not egg them on or let your own emotions get in the way of your own wise mind. Nobody can make you feel anything.

Stephen R. Covey once said, “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.”

I am having a hard time right now with coping with things lately. Normally, meditation works to solve stress that I find myself in. Unfortunately, Monkey Mind has taken over and I have decided that it is time to put my DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) Skills to work. I learned these skills some time ago and found a great deal of success in overcoming much of the anxious tension that fills me up.

The first thing to do is to determine what is really causing the problems. I believe there are several issues going on at the same time.

1. I am not getting enough sleep. I do actually go into my bed but falling asleep is just not happening lately.
2. Cherokee is having major anger issues (partly due to Aspergers syndrome, and partly due to his brother constantly egging him on).
3. Scottie, well, I wrote a post about him last night. He is 14 years old and is very mouthy lately. I just can’t seem to do anything to make this child happy lately.
4. I am OCD about a clean house and it just isn’t up to my standards which makes me feel tense.

Now that I have listed the things that are problems for me, I can begin to analyze them and formulate solutions. Sometimes, there really is no solution and if there is no answer then it is not a problem and I will work to let it go.

One of the first things I need to do is reduce my vulnerability to Emotion Mind. This means using the PLEASE skills.

P L(Treat PhysicaL Illness)

E (Balanced Eating)

A (Avoid mood altering drugs and alcohol)

S (balance Sleep)

E (Exercise)

Another Skill I am going to work on is One-in-the-Moment. This means being mindful of what I am doing and only doing one thing at a time. It will be especially helpful in getting my house back under control. I got a pretty good start on it today by cleaning out two closets that have been bothering my mind due to the fact that they were accumulating just stuff. I am a strong proponent of having nothing that is not a need. So, I went through and tossed those things that were not necessary to hold on to.

Using One in the Moment will also help with my communication with the children. It is really easy to let the squabbling and fighting escalate to an unmanageable level when I am trying to deal with the boys and do other things. I believe that if I handle it as soon as it starts and do it directly, not from another room, that I can eliminate some of the tension.

So, for the next week these are the two skills that I am going to focus on. I will be posting progress and results as the week moves forward.